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The Law of Attraction is just like the Law of Gravity – It is always working. It works regardless of our belief. If you don’t believe in
gravity, try levitating! The Law of Attraction works just as infallibly. -- Barry Selby
gravity, try levitating! The Law of Attraction works just as infallibly. -- Barry Selby
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AskBARRY-
Question:
Now that I am very clear on what my desires are, I think about them often. Does it mean that I am too attached to them?
And what is the difference between detachment and releasing? -- Pasadena CA
Answer:
What a wonderful question! This question shows up for many of us when we first learn about and begin building mastery
in the Law of Attraction.
Let’s break this question down a little. Thinking about your desires is important as it creates clarity as well as intention that
the Universe responds to. However, attachment is a block to the manifestation you desire. Attachment is usually a response
to doubt or fear or a focus on lack. Being clear that these desires are already yours, manifest in the present moment is
healthy and effective and a whole different vibration.
Attachment is often the result or the symptom of something deeper. For example, is the attachment hiding a deeper fear of
lack or a fear the desire will not manifest? Or is the thought focused on some future reality, where the desire WILL, at
some point beyond this moment, manifest? This is the imaginary carrot hanging from a stick a few inches in front of your
nose – tempting, yet never attained. Any of these are limiting the mind, and therefore limiting the likelihood of your desires
being realized.
Instead, the most effective way to hold desire is to know it has already manifested. The core of the Law of Attraction is
that we manifest what we are thinking, that means EVERYTHING. And harking back the the Bible, the statement “It is
done unto you as you believe” is absolutely true, whether you believe it or not! In the words of Henry Ford, “If you think
you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This can be good news or bad news, depending on what you think. So the
only, and I mean the only thing preventing your desires showing up is your thinking.
The best way to describe the difference between detachment and release is the difference between throwing something
away and dropping something. The first is almost a repulsion or push, whereas the latter is a effortless and easy. That is the
way to let go of attachment to a desire – effortless and easy.
So back to the first question, thinking often about your desires is only attachment if there is a lot of energy and tightness
around them. There is a way to find out if you are too attached to your desires – do you feel stressed or tense when you
think of them? If you do, then you are attached, which can hinder the Universe rushing in to manifest your desires. So let
go and let God (or whatever term you use) do its thing.
And here’s a tip: if there is resistance or fear in letting go, check inside what the attachment is, or for a deeper cut, ask
what the fear is. This may be best served by working with a coach or counselor as we are often our own toughest clients.
PB&J
Barry.
Barry S. Selby, M.A.
Gap Closure Specialist
Facilitating Conscious Change
With Spiritual Guidance
Now that I am very clear on what my desires are, I think about them often. Does it mean that I am too attached to them?
And what is the difference between detachment and releasing? -- Pasadena CA
Answer:
What a wonderful question! This question shows up for many of us when we first learn about and begin building mastery
in the Law of Attraction.
Let’s break this question down a little. Thinking about your desires is important as it creates clarity as well as intention that
the Universe responds to. However, attachment is a block to the manifestation you desire. Attachment is usually a response
to doubt or fear or a focus on lack. Being clear that these desires are already yours, manifest in the present moment is
healthy and effective and a whole different vibration.
Attachment is often the result or the symptom of something deeper. For example, is the attachment hiding a deeper fear of
lack or a fear the desire will not manifest? Or is the thought focused on some future reality, where the desire WILL, at
some point beyond this moment, manifest? This is the imaginary carrot hanging from a stick a few inches in front of your
nose – tempting, yet never attained. Any of these are limiting the mind, and therefore limiting the likelihood of your desires
being realized.
Instead, the most effective way to hold desire is to know it has already manifested. The core of the Law of Attraction is
that we manifest what we are thinking, that means EVERYTHING. And harking back the the Bible, the statement “It is
done unto you as you believe” is absolutely true, whether you believe it or not! In the words of Henry Ford, “If you think
you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.” This can be good news or bad news, depending on what you think. So the
only, and I mean the only thing preventing your desires showing up is your thinking.
The best way to describe the difference between detachment and release is the difference between throwing something
away and dropping something. The first is almost a repulsion or push, whereas the latter is a effortless and easy. That is the
way to let go of attachment to a desire – effortless and easy.
So back to the first question, thinking often about your desires is only attachment if there is a lot of energy and tightness
around them. There is a way to find out if you are too attached to your desires – do you feel stressed or tense when you
think of them? If you do, then you are attached, which can hinder the Universe rushing in to manifest your desires. So let
go and let God (or whatever term you use) do its thing.
And here’s a tip: if there is resistance or fear in letting go, check inside what the attachment is, or for a deeper cut, ask
what the fear is. This may be best served by working with a coach or counselor as we are often our own toughest clients.
PB&J
Barry.
Barry S. Selby, M.A.
Gap Closure Specialist
Facilitating Conscious Change
With Spiritual Guidance
| . |
Question:
Barry,
My husband comes home from work every night complaining about how is boss is such a jerk to him by always picking
out every little thing he has done wrong with his job. My husband just started working for this guy, who own's a tiling
business. He has never done tiling before, so every thing he learns is all knew to him. So instead of his boss helping him
and SHOWING him the correct way of doing something, he yells at him... calls him stupid.... and basically treats him like
he is a child. Don't get me wrong. These fits are not all of the time. He is actually a nice guy when it comes down to it.
But he, the boss, doesn't know how to talk to people. He talks to everyone like this. Even his waitresses in a restaurant.
I try to listen to all of my husbands complaints. But I really don't want to hear over and over and over that his boss treats
him like this. We both watched 'The Secret' so I tried to tell him, instead of complaining about his boss and all of the
negative things he says, try to think of the things you are great full to him for.
So my question to you is... What more can he do to keep a positive attitude and take his boss' negativity better? And what
can we do about his boss and the way he treats my hubby?
Cassandra- Orem, UT
Reply:
Hi Cassandra,
To your question. Your husband has some options (if he hasn’t done these yet):
Starting with the practical options: Has your husband told his boss that he hasn’t done tiling before or has he asked his
boss for coaching on tiling? Since the boss is presumably an expert and your husband is learning, it would make sense to
ask the boss how he likes the work done, so your husband can be on the same page as his boss, and they both will be in
harmony.
Has your husband asked his boss if he could give him some feedback (not complained back to him, or reacted in upset,
but asked to give feedback)? To share honestly and cleanly with his boss his experience of their interactions without
blame, judgment or upset at his boss can provide a space of communication, rather than reacting and appearing to attack,
which would only evoke a defense in his boss.
The key of the Law of Attraction in this situation is having a clear and unattached vision of what the perfect job and
working environment would look, feel and sound like. Being unattached is important, as the answer to the vision could be a
transformation of the current job and boss, or it could be a change of employment that satisfies that vision.
From what you said, your husband’s boss has some communication challenges with other people. It is not your job or
your husband’s job to change him, however by writing a vision on what your husband’s perfect job would be, including
environment, communication, relationships, interactions with the boss, etc., you are using the Law of Attraction to shift
your reality, which may show up as a different interaction with the boss, or even a different boss!
When creating a clear vision of what you want, using hindsight to transform your foresight is a valuable resource – noting
what didn’t work in the past to write about/focus on what would work in the new vision. However focusing on not
wanting what didn’t work in the past has the same effect as focusing on what didn’t work in the past. The key is focus on
what you DO want. Holding firm to this vision will transform attitude, and the feeling level will transform everything.
The Secret does not require you to take someone’s negativity, to grin and bear it (unless you really want to!). The Law of
Attraction is about what we attract to ourselves. And it provides very effective feedback. If you are not attracting what
you think you want, then look at your experience - what have you been thinking (what you don’t want, what you don’t
like, etc.) that matches your current experience? It is highly likely you are holding some thoughts about what you don’t
want, which are showing up as your experience. Again, this is not meaning you have to like what you have, it is about
loving what you want, without any energy against what you don’t want (which is equally attractive).
You will begin to recognize all that is happening is feedback to you about how you are using the Law of Attraction. Then if
you are not getting what you want, focus on what you do want, and like an obedient puppy, the Law of Attraction will
respond!
PB&J
Barry.
Barry,
My husband comes home from work every night complaining about how is boss is such a jerk to him by always picking
out every little thing he has done wrong with his job. My husband just started working for this guy, who own's a tiling
business. He has never done tiling before, so every thing he learns is all knew to him. So instead of his boss helping him
and SHOWING him the correct way of doing something, he yells at him... calls him stupid.... and basically treats him like
he is a child. Don't get me wrong. These fits are not all of the time. He is actually a nice guy when it comes down to it.
But he, the boss, doesn't know how to talk to people. He talks to everyone like this. Even his waitresses in a restaurant.
I try to listen to all of my husbands complaints. But I really don't want to hear over and over and over that his boss treats
him like this. We both watched 'The Secret' so I tried to tell him, instead of complaining about his boss and all of the
negative things he says, try to think of the things you are great full to him for.
So my question to you is... What more can he do to keep a positive attitude and take his boss' negativity better? And what
can we do about his boss and the way he treats my hubby?
Cassandra- Orem, UT
Reply:
Hi Cassandra,
To your question. Your husband has some options (if he hasn’t done these yet):
Starting with the practical options: Has your husband told his boss that he hasn’t done tiling before or has he asked his
boss for coaching on tiling? Since the boss is presumably an expert and your husband is learning, it would make sense to
ask the boss how he likes the work done, so your husband can be on the same page as his boss, and they both will be in
harmony.
Has your husband asked his boss if he could give him some feedback (not complained back to him, or reacted in upset,
but asked to give feedback)? To share honestly and cleanly with his boss his experience of their interactions without
blame, judgment or upset at his boss can provide a space of communication, rather than reacting and appearing to attack,
which would only evoke a defense in his boss.
The key of the Law of Attraction in this situation is having a clear and unattached vision of what the perfect job and
working environment would look, feel and sound like. Being unattached is important, as the answer to the vision could be a
transformation of the current job and boss, or it could be a change of employment that satisfies that vision.
From what you said, your husband’s boss has some communication challenges with other people. It is not your job or
your husband’s job to change him, however by writing a vision on what your husband’s perfect job would be, including
environment, communication, relationships, interactions with the boss, etc., you are using the Law of Attraction to shift
your reality, which may show up as a different interaction with the boss, or even a different boss!
When creating a clear vision of what you want, using hindsight to transform your foresight is a valuable resource – noting
what didn’t work in the past to write about/focus on what would work in the new vision. However focusing on not
wanting what didn’t work in the past has the same effect as focusing on what didn’t work in the past. The key is focus on
what you DO want. Holding firm to this vision will transform attitude, and the feeling level will transform everything.
The Secret does not require you to take someone’s negativity, to grin and bear it (unless you really want to!). The Law of
Attraction is about what we attract to ourselves. And it provides very effective feedback. If you are not attracting what
you think you want, then look at your experience - what have you been thinking (what you don’t want, what you don’t
like, etc.) that matches your current experience? It is highly likely you are holding some thoughts about what you don’t
want, which are showing up as your experience. Again, this is not meaning you have to like what you have, it is about
loving what you want, without any energy against what you don’t want (which is equally attractive).
You will begin to recognize all that is happening is feedback to you about how you are using the Law of Attraction. Then if
you are not getting what you want, focus on what you do want, and like an obedient puppy, the Law of Attraction will
respond!
PB&J
Barry.